Merry Christmas.

"Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so glad its Christmas
All the tinsel and lights
And the presents are nice
But the real gift is You."
 
I like my 2010 Christmas. I remembered Jesus more than anything.
And I'm sorry, nothing else could compare to that. No lights, festivities, or even family, could ever compare to Jesus. --

thought you might want to know...

... a little bit of how we put "under construction" together....

(1) we did a little scouting, and voila, found the perfect location for our anticipated shoot! my little bro was my stand-in model for "testing" the area.

(2) i thought this little window was so beautiful, unfortunately we didn't use this section because a man was sleeping on a bench close by that day. (hehe!)

(3) same goes with this little section here, ... we couldn't possibly bother the exhausted man taking his afternoon nap on the lone bench in the area. but this was one of the sections i absolutely loved! felt a little european right smack dab in los angeles!

 (4) we were able to take a couple shots here-- beauty!

(5) and another fave, the electrical post... if you noticed on this picture -here-, on the top right corner, there was a little signage that actually said don't climb on the post, and we technically didn't, we just held onto it, which wasn't that safe either, such rebels! hahaha!

(6) our make-up stylist's treasure box! check her work out on makeupbycarmella.com, expect to see our fashion shoot on the website soon! 

 

(7) all-in-one studio!

 (8) one of our models having coffee while getting styled-- such a diva! haha!

(9) bringing on the fierce before the shoot!

(10) all-in-one make-up, hair, and fashion stylist, and flash lady-- our very own, carmella pacana, helping out our photographer, glenn espina

(11) our girls in action!

 (12) our models backstage!

(13) much love from all of us! xxoo!

hope you guys stay tuned for the launch of our very own style studio in january 2011!
also-- we hit our new fave store goodwill about a week ago, and scored some major deals! so for style steals, deals, and other fun stuff and tips, do drop by again soon!

fini!

before and after--

one craft box done-- it's not perfect, but i'm proud! now off to make the little knick-knacks, or possible zines, journals, or postcards, or paintings, or cards of sorts to put inside it! :)

plans change.

good thing-- or else i would've screwed up life a long time ago.

this means:
-working on blog etc this week.
-artsy crafty projects continuation.
-squeezing in looking for a job.
-... and some other stuff that i can't remember at the moment.

i got a feeling tomorrow's going to be beautiful.

10987654321, randomadoodoos.

found this off my cousins fb page, its been a while since i've answered one of these... i think my last was like 10th grade in HS, or at least when myspace was the social network, and xanga was the blogsite.

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (do not name them):
1.  uh, what ever happened? a little curious. i guess i should know.
2.  i want to see you in heaven.
3.  i want to be your sister (lol)
4.  please stop by pasadena and say hello, encouraging words, and hug, hug!
5.  i can't wait to move in!
6.  let God move.
7.  do your best! i am cheering you on.
8.  you truly are a best friend.
9.  wouldnt be me without you. love, love, love, love, always.
10. let's go on an adventure.  

9 things about yourself:
1. floater wanderer.
2. i love chocolate.
3. the world market store is a new fave.
4. i love vanilla bean flavored things.
5. i'm so in love with making food right now.
6.  i'm a winter weather lover.
7.  i love painting!
8.  i'm kinda into song-writing right now.
9. jesus lover & follower!

8 ways to win your heart:
 1. don't try to impress me with who you ARE NOT.
2. you've got to have the ability to make me laugh, like pee-in-my-pants kinda laughter!
3. have an encouraging spirit.
4. i quote, "make me feel like we've known each other for years, even though you've known me for a matter of moments." (make me feel at ease with you...)
5. let's go on food trips!
6. be serious, and don't be. keep a good balance.
7. you've gotta give me freedom.
8. it's a lot of help if you know His true love.

7 things you think about a lot:
 1. australia.
2. my future.
3. philippines.
4. the next day.
5. what job, what job, what job!?
6. what to do on my birthday (lately) hehehehe.
7. what to eat next.  

6 things you do before you go to sleep:
1. pray.
2. bathroom duties, wash and clean up.
3. devotion.
4. journal.
5. tidy up some stuff in my closet.
6. reflect on the day and the next.  

5 things you're afraid of:
 1. next year.
2. not getting a job to save up for the year.
3. blowing up and fizzing out.
4. mm... losing my voice.
5. myself

4 things you are wearing right now:
1. slipper socks!
2. a freebie event tshirt.
3. awesome zip jumper.
4. four year old jeans that are getting nice and raggedy.

3 songs you have listened to most in the last week:
1. betty - brooke fraser.
2. crows and locusts - brooke fraser.
3. jack kerouac - brooke fraser.  

2 things you want to do before you die:
1. travelalalalalalalala.
2. get married. (ah, loooveydooovey.)

1 confession: 1. i'm breaking the rules, winds of change.

harry potter.

about half of the harry potter films were released the month, and even days away from my birthday (and it even fell on it once!). i've always enjoyed the fact that the movie release is just in time for my birthday, makes my celebrations a tad bit more special than it already is.

call me crazy.

but i am suffering from the worst kind of "lag" ever. i feel so torn between melbourne, manila and los angeles. terrible mixed emotions, los angeles in all its familiarity and not.

i can't say it feels good to be home, although it sorta does.

here's to the new wave of adventure, a better me fighting forward with a God that's always and forever the same.

cheers to tomorrow's adventures and uncertainties.
i'd like to say to myself...

welcome back to los angeles.

cuppppaaa

tonight i'm going out to have coffee, i'm hoping to find a real nice place... the perfect cozy atmosphere and delicious coffee.

haven't had any in a while... and i'm longing for the coziness of melbourne cafes! good coffee just around the corner, chic, and amazing ambiance from your local neighbors, ah! while all the "cafes" in manila, meaning starbucks and seattles best or whatever capitalized american coffee place they've franchised, are so packed, so metropolitan, so busy and so intoxicating. not chic and cozy at all.

so tonight i go on a quest for a good cuppa. of course, i won't be having flat whites or scrumptious chai lattes from any beautiful baristas, but i'll be happy with what i can get tonight. i will report on it another day.

wish me luck!

reminiscin'

had a laborious job saving pictures of someone else from another someone else's facebook album...
reminded me of all the pending australia photos i have on cds, a thumb drive (that is so jampacked with precious precious media!), and my memory card that's close to reaching its limit as well.... oh i'm missing australia so much! these are the only pictures i have to share so far, stole them off my friend's facebook album!

my day out with tj & jesse; following were taken around melbourne, australia!

uber windy in st kilda that day, but i love winter so no complaints! and a cuppa's always good on cold, beautiful gloomy days! ... oh melbourne, i miss your cafes, lamingtons, and muddy local footy! can't wait to see you again :)

a beautiful exchange

who i am.

i sent a very important e-mail to my school's financial aid office today. and now, the enemy is trying to weave another web of fear into my mind and heart because i've just beat my own schedule, sending the e-mail 24 hours before my deadline, and 24 hours after i've composed it-- kind of declaring war against these brewing worries in me. declaring war against doubt, against the fear that's choking my goals and dreams.

still, i feel a little detached from reality because i have just gone into the deep zone of unfamiliarity. i've just jumped off the cliff with my eyes closed waiting for myself to land on ... ? i'm not sure exactly. and now, my mind's trying to quickly coax itself with the old deception that i can't go through more than what i've been through, and that i should just turn back. how could i do that to myself? what a coward.

i've said it a hundred times, to myself, to others, to strangers i've met these past weeks, to God.
I AM SCARED. i am so scared.

i know i shouldn't be, because i know my God will catch me. but i still have this sick feeling in my stomach, this anxiety in the back of my neck. i feel like i have to say it five-hundred more times, before it leaves my system.

like said in my previous posts, i'm going through a lot of changes, and i'm so glad that i am. but right now, i kind of feel like a blank map waiting to be filled out, and frankly, i don't know whether i'm doing this right or wrong, or worse, how to start, and how to keep going. at times i feel so sure, and at times i feel completely lost.

"Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become"
-Brooke Fraser, c.s. lewis song

before this entry, i was thinking to myself, analyzing my ever-changing persona. i thought, i kind of don't know who i am. i'm not sure whether i've really had a list of favorites, you know answers to those questions when you first meet someone. it's kinda weird, because i'm a planner, and yet, i'm such a floater. my mind seems to be easily distracted by the smallest things and notions. (that's a good thing on keeping a creative mind, with open eyes and heart to those "wow" moments.. but.. ) there are things that i'll keep at for a while, and then lose interest afterward. i guess i can say there are various things off the top of my head that i can sorta list to say that is forever a part of me, but then again i fear that those things aren't as permanent as i thought they'd be. like i always say, there is one thing certain and forever unchanging in my life, and that's Jesus' love for me. i'm glad i have that to hold on to.

here's what i have to say about the big change to come. i've already begun, with such a small informal email, i better prepare with prayer for the tidal waves about to wash over. as for being numb and in the comfort zone, i say this time, i'd rather jump into roaring waves that'll take me out of castaway island and into ... i'm not sure yet. i don't want to go where i've already been. "in the words of an aussie bloke (Brian Houston!), THE BEST IS YET TO COME!"

and so, i have just about written enough for a chapter of a book in day's post, i've also kind of calmed myself in releasing all this tension in my heart. and of course, like always, God is so good, after ranting about my worries and etc, he equips me and sends me His beautiful assurance that He is here with me, every step of my crazed life. that even if i pee my pants in stupid anxiety, He will still be there, sending me encouraging words and His amazing love through other people, not just through my Bible, prayers and meditation. He truly provides and surrounds me with all that i need.

so i've kinda been reading and returning to reread Jill McCloghry's recent entries. such great testimonies of faith! her words have been so encouraging to me, and i am so blessed by her story.

"so... as the enemy began his attack on my heart... Gracious Jesus stepped in with truth that is sewn in to the fabric of who I am... and truth began spilling on every doubt."
-Jill McCloghry

 after reading her post biggest-little-treasure, i kind of stepped back and stopped picking on myself about trivial matters and details of who i am, my likes and dislikes and was reminded of the "GREAT, I AM." all these little things kind of melt away when i'm reminded of how complete i am in Him. He takes me just as i am, crazy and confused, and Jill's snapshot kinda sums it all up for me. comforting the very core of my heart and soul.

Philippians 4:13, I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me.
there's His answer to my lack of strength and courage. there's His encouragement to keep pushing forward, even if i can't see the base of the cliff i've just jumped off. in the end He's gonna be there, and everything is gonna be okay. there's His comforting love while i'm secretly battling panic in the very core of my being.

last quote for the night, ...

You'll INCREASE the blessing & DECREASE the stress; when you DECREASE the worry & INCREASE the prayer! -Brian Houston, Hillsong Church

as i've been encouraged, i hope some small part of this post also helped you. just paying a little something forward. i best get on to praying and give all of this craziness to Him.

something in the water

*last post for the night, first post of the morning. it is 12:22 in manila, but i've really gotta post about this wonderful lady.
**music player embedded for your listening pleasure.

-BROOKE.FRASER.you.are.so.darling-
CANNOT WAIT for your ALBUM&TOUR!

since i made a foolish, but also VERY wise decision to leave my macbook at home (more wise than foolish, in all honesty!!), i am now stuck using other people's desktop computers unable to upload and or download files on my own time and liking.
however, i'm still able to listen to brooke fraser's new single -something in the water- which is so amazing. it is the prelude to her next amazing piece of work. her last album, which i bought years after its release (because i wasn't really familiar with brooke except for hillsong), is probably one of the few albums i've listened to from first track to the last. there aren't many artists that can do that nowadays. even those bigshot grammy winners and nominees, to be honest! so, now couple months from the release of her new album, FLAGS, (SO EXCITED!), i am stuck listening to her new single online, i have to manually click back to the page to repeat it in between browsing around facebook and checking my accounts and etc. it is worth doing that however, because it is THAT good.

i've posted a longer entry previously, so i'll try to keep this one short and end with a line from her amazing song...

"I'll pretend that its no thing that’s skipping my heart when I think of you
thinking of me babe I'm crazy over you"

holiday limbo.

bad or good? a little of both.
i can't believe i'm saying this, (because i've been refusing to say this all the while..) "can't wait to get home"
first, because i really don't want to call los angeles home anymore, because i've left my heart in melbourne, australia. really have. i guess i kinda feel like that country girl who feels like she's made for the city, new york, hollywood, or whichever big town it is, JUST THE REVERSE. i want to get away from los angeles, i don't think that's the city i'm meant to live in. sure, i really honestly love los angeles, for the most part, but after being away from it for so long now, (the longest now, last time i was away, was a little over a month...) i feel so detached from it, like i see it from the outside now, and i really don't feel like going back in.
second, i still kind of don't want to go home. i feel like being away from home helps me think clearly about what - i - want, and not what people expect of me.
it's kinda hard stepping away from that when you've been used to that all your life... being a kid, a teen, and now an adult fully realizing that i do get to make my own decisions, and as much as it is liberating, somehow it's frightening, i feel like my heart keeps jumping out of my chest when i sit down to take myself seriously.

hmmm, los angeles, back to routines, schedules, zipping by weekends, and zooming by freeways. although, i guess when i go back this time around, i'll be on a different routine, on the road less traveled. trading what i've known, and risking it for the future. change.

i'm glad God's got it all under control. He's got it all mapped out for me. and even though i feel a little invincible at the moment, i must remember to wear His armor and not mine, 'cause if i do wear mine, then i'm bound to be struck the first hour out into the battle field. God's shield is indestructible.

i'm overjoyed, so blessed, also because i just read Jill McCloghry's post about her little girl, Hayley and was so touched by her testimony.. and now as i'm looking over my life with this encouraging perspective and remembering that God sees everything bird's eye view, and from up there everything is so beautiful, my eyes well up with tears of joy, because with life's twists and turns and uncertainties, i know in my life, there's one thing that stands true, Jesus' amazing love. i just have to trust that all's well in His hands.

WOW, my God is so amazing.

so, i know there are reasons for every circumstance in our lives.  being stranded here in manila for almost a month now, when i only hoped to stay for a week,... i didn't realize, would be so life-changing. i've been able to think and really analyze my options of what i want to do in the future. honestly, and most importantly, it's a place that i get to really sit and talk to God, and LISTEN to Him.

i think i'm not supposed to be home yet because He's giving me all this time to think and consult with Him about my heart's desires. i'm supposed to be here in manila not just on a holiday limbo, but more purposefully to readjust my life's lenses. after being so so pumped in australia not just at Hillsong but at my Aunt's local church, and just the overall atmosphere of worship that surrounded me, i was so blessed to be there. God refueled me, rejuvenated me, refreshed me, and now i'm on the follow up, still need some equpping for the big battle waiting at home... and when he thinks i'm ready, then he'll bring me home to los angeles.

My God is so Good. So Great. So Loving. I thank you Jesus that You have chosen me.

hillsong church is blessed.

i know, and don't.

a lot of things spinning in my head. i've been away for about a month or so now.. and i'm so blessed. so many stories to tell! COMING SOON!

one thing i know for sure: JESSSSUUSS!!!! (&HillsongConf2010 was amazzzinngg!)
and the don't, well i'm praying i can move to Australia for good. :)

having the hardest time.

is it just me, or am i developing separation anxiety? i always feel ready before my travels, but at the moment, i feel like i cannot remember anything, and packing is so hard, and i feel like i'm going to leave my passport at home... i also feel so unstable, eh, i think it's just the crazies kicking in. anxiety stat, really have it.

hmmm...

by the looks of everything, i might finish midday...

read more...